How Good Igbo boys marry

You hanged out with the boys from high school to university. From classroom to football field. You listened to several stories filled with bawdy laughter about your mates’ escapades with girls from neighbouring schools. The love letters written in scented pad. ‘…the only sugar in my tea’. ‘…the only cockroach in my cupboard’. And all the other magic phrases coined by the Romeos of the days. But you are a good boy. That’s not what good boys do.

Truth of course, is that you liked girls. You know you did, the day you wrestled with Enebong, the daughter of your mum’s best friend. You knew you should have stopped touching but she laughed so hard that you were glad you was responsible for her happiness. It thrilled you and your fingers went places. But mum and dad didn’t have to know. You were after all a good boy. You were punctual at all the evening mass and served diligently as an altar boy. you could sing all the missal while in the bath to the approval of your parents. You were a good boy.

All those years have passed but you can still hear the voice of your dad, the law giver. ‘Women are bad’.(You are pretty sure that didn’t include your mother and sisters). ‘Don’t worry when you finished school and get a good job, we will get you a good woman.’

So you finished University and got your dream job. But there was something they didn’t teach you. Something you needed to learn by yourself.But it doesn’t matter now or does it? All you need do now is find yourself a wife. You are a good Igbo boy. So you told your parents of your hunt and they joined the party. Pictures went back and forth. Awkward meetings filled with pretend conversations nobody was actually paying attention to. Boxes are ticked. 4/10, 6/10. Failed. Passed.You didn’t have to know much about the girl. Good references will suffice. You start a relationship on a promise of marriage. No going back as hearts will break and faces will be lost. So you nervously match to the altar to the approval of everyone but self. One month down the line, you wished you had another chance.

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